October 1, 2021 (-) / 8:33 p.m. / Today I felt depressed. When I got home, my mother kept prodding me — wanting to know why I wasn’t talking. Sometimes I want to look at her and say, I don’t know, Mama. I just feel like shit sometimes. And sometimes I just don’t want to talk. She’s also an extrovert, and I’m an introvert. She naturally demands energy and stimulation from others, and I simply cannot offer it. In truth, I have more in common with her sister, in that I gain energy by alone. Again, I don’t know why I’m like this. I just am. And my mother, she wants an answer — one I can’t provide.

September 28, 2021 (blank) / 11:22 a.m. / Today is my birthday; I am one year closer to being six feet under. I know, I know, I should be happy — but I’m not. Nor am I really sad. It’s hard to describe how I feel. …

September 23, 2021 (-) / 10:05 a.m. / I know I haven’t written in a while. My apologies — I’ve been lacking. Being consistent can be difficult, though I try. I try really hard. …

September 14, 2021 (-) / 8:08 a.m. / I do not want to go to work. I do not want to go outside. I do not want this. Yesterday I went to bed at five in the afternoon and woke up around ten p.m. …

September 13, 2021 (-) / 2:22 p.m. / I haven’t written in a while, I know. So, here’s a quick update: I spoke to a psychiatrist, and she diagnosed me with manic bipolar disorder. Now, I’m on an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. In truth, I am low today. Very…

September 6, 2021 (-) / 10:36 a.m. / I feel guilty about yesterday. Something came over me and I ordered a #1 with bacon and cheese from Burger King (my favorite fast food restaurant). I then came home, ate a bowl of spaghetti, and then retreated to my room, where…

September 4, 2021 (+/[-]) / 7:02 a.m. / Since my last entry, I have been… happy? But not a positive happy. As in, I’ve been able to talk and nod and laugh at work, but I sense a terrible dread beneath the surface, deep and painful. …

September 1st, 2021 (-) / 5:10 p.m. / Today was my fifth Zoom meeting with the university psychologist and probably the last; I have an appointment with someone on September 7th, which was the goal: to get connected to a doctor. I’m not going to go into what we talked…

August 31, 2021 (+/[-]) / 4:04 p.m. / I learned today that there is an opening at the apartment complex I applied to last June, and the landlady wants me to meet her on Friday. It’s income-based, which may or may not be good. I also helped a student for…